If you hadn’t noticed, I got married and went on a honeymoon. Did you miss me? Apparently so. Gizmodo gets banned from CES. Golson asks Calacanis for a job. Our very special correspondent pickets against the new pay system. Where’s was Denton with the “too insidery” warnings? Oh that’s right, blogging for Gawker. Here’s what really happened during the first two weeks of 2008, according to a speed-read of my feeds. On my next honeymoon, I’m bringing a laptop.

• Facebook is slower than a bunch of social networks you’ve never heard of, according to Watchmouse. Yes, Zuck’s baby is slower than RateItAll, Infield Parking, Buzznet and most especially, Consumating. Which is of course everyone’s favorite. MySpace is not on the list.

• The Pew Internet & American Life project discovered that Web video was more popular in 2007 than in 2006.
• Robert Scoble appeared on television. Twice.
• Iminlikewithyou founder Charles Forman told an audience of 450 that, despite what you’ve heard, he’s not actually an asshole.
• Jupitermedia CEO Alan Meckler posted seven times. 6-word version: Things are great. Ignore stock price.
• Jason Calacanis has 11,900 friends on Twitter, LinkedIn, Mahalo and Facebook. And 495 on Mahalo. By the way, he wants to have dinner with all of you.
• Yahoo’s CEO unveiled a new mobile Web platform at CES that will save the company. Just like it did last year.
• And, most notably, the Flight of the Conchords performed at CES:

(Photo by ThrasherDave)

Are Microsoft’s second-tier executives all second-rate? Apparently. Microsoft has just tapped Stephen Elop, the COO of Juniper Networks, to run its Business division, which includes the highly profitable Office suite. Elop, the former CEO of Macromedia, is a good fit. But his hire sends an unwelcome message to up-and-comers within Redmond: Keep toiling away, but don’t aspire to run one of Microsoft’s great franchises. Bill Gates can find someone better than you elsewhere. Which should be as good a signal as any for them to start leaving.

Source:Valleywag

What’s the difference between a blogger and a journalist? Nothing, says CNET’s Rafe Needleman. But he’s concerned that Gizmodo’s sophomoric prank, using a TV remote control to turn off video screens at the CES 2008 gadgetfest, will get bloggers disinvited to the event next year. After all, CES only grudgingly started accrediting bloggers to the show. The only problem with Needleman’s thesis?

Gizmodo attended the event — and pulled their silly stunt — with full press credentials, not second-class blogger badges. And people say the difference between journalists and bloggers is that bloggers don’t factcheck. Needleman is right: There is no difference.

We hear that Yahoo TechTicker, the online-video show from Yahoo Finance featuring Valley fox Sarah Lacy and red-hot moneymen Henry Blodget and Paul Kedrosky, is delayed, and won’t be airing early episodes next week as rumored. Dammit! Scott Moore, we blame you for this, too.

Source:Valleywag

“The Wall St. buzz is that msft and yhoo are bidding for eBay. My source tells me that Yahoo! has bid 1.76 shares for eBay ($40-41) and is expected to win at that price.” So writes Scot Wingo, the plugged-in CEO of ChannelAdvisor, an auctions-software maker in which eBay owns a minority stake. Let’s dissect that rumor, shall we?

The deal does offer a generous 25 percent premium to eBay shareholders, pricing the company’s shares at the 52-week-high they briefly touched in October. But as proposed, it would be ruinously dilutive to Yahoo shareholders, leaving them with 36 percent of the combined company. Why a Yahoo shareholder would settle for this escapes me, however, unless they have completely written off Yahoo’s management, brand, and assets.

Which is not out of the question. At the levels Yahoo’s trading at, shareholders are essentially paying for its minority stakes in Yahoo Japan, Alibaba in China, and Gmarket in Korea. But if a shareholder would be disillusioned enough to accept this deal, one wonders why they wouldn’t simply sell their Yahoo shares and buy eBay shares on the open market, where they’re considerably cheaper.

I don’t know if this plan is being seriously considered within Yahoo. As many have written, Yahoo and eBay’s assets make a nice strategic fit, in theory; eBay’s PayPal already has a search-ads partnership with Yahoo, and the two companies have other advertising deals. Google is actively pursuing a profitable combination of search and e-commerce through its Checkout initiative, sharpening the threat to both Yahoo and eBay. Not to mention Skype, which eBay has written off but could find a better fit with Yahoo’s mail and IM products.

But in practice? The reality is that both companies are collections of underused assets, with management that has allowed vital talent to flee. Putting them together might provide a needed shakeout of eBay and Yahoo’s overstaffed executive suites, but the transition would be chaotic and painful.

A much simpler course would be selling out to Microsoft or News Corp., which surely remain interested in Yahoo’s online-advertising business, if they can stomach all the troubles that come with it.

That this rumor is circulating, that it’s even being whispered about, suggests that Jerry Yang may have given up on being rescued by a deep-pocketed buyer. Issuing so much undervalued paper for eBay smacks of desperation. It would keep Yahoo independent, but at a very steep price. So steep that, if it’s being seriously considered, can only mean no one wants to buy Yahoo.

Source:Valleywag

Entrepreneurs. Engineers. Bloggers. You keep asking: Why does a writer like me hate people like you? Nick Denton’s new traffic-based pay scale has backfired wonderfully, giving me a few minutes to explain it.

Entrepreneurs You guys think money is everything. That is, you think money is some sort of universal currency into which anything can be converted, and which can be converted to anything else.

• Good writing is one of the things you can’t buy with just cash. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, has proven that again and again.

• Even when you guys mean to be helpful, you get it all wrong.
  (A) You encourage me to demand more money from my editors. The only thing they’ll pay extra for is being famous, because that sells more copies without buyers having to read the article first.
  (B) You offer to let me “pick up a few extra bucks” by writing your kids’ college entrance essays.

• Here’s an idea: Pay me to mention your company and/or product in one of my articles. Not that I would, but I’m sure someone else will. The astounding thing is in 11 years I’ve been offered money for everything but a covert endorsement. You guys have a blind spot there.

Engineers It’s hard to be smarter than everyone else, isn’t it? You tech people never ask anything about my job. Instead, you explain it to me.

• You just know that my life as a professional writer must be exactly like your life as a professional software developer or sysadmin. Salespeople must come by my desk and demand I change my articles so they can close a big deal, right?

• You’re 100% certain that if you wrote the article instead of me, it would have been better. Lucky for you, your fellow engineers are like string theorists: They’ll praise this assertion for its elegance and daring, instead of asking you to prove it with a real-world test.
• You’ll explain to me that my ideas for articles start from press releases, and must be reviewed prior to publication by the companies I write about. If I praise your competition, it must mean they bought an ad. You got this worldview from your company’s PR lady. You have a crush on her.
• Do me a favor: 34 percent of the Internet is comments from engineers that begin, “It is unsurprising to me that …” Look, we get it. Nothing surprises you. So it’s unsurprising to us that it’s unsurprising to you. So shut up already.

Bloggers There is, in fact, a special circle of hell reserved for you. You’re keeping it real! Real long, and real dull.

• The only other fields where people spend all their time bragging about themselves and insulting their rivals are talk radio and gangster rap. There’s your level of intellectual discourse.

• Jack Kerouac? He had an editor. Allen Ginsberg? Spent months rewriting “Howl.” Andrew Sullivan? Face time with the world’s best editors, and he still puts me to sleep when he writes solo.
• Free advice: Every time you type the words “not so much,” or “the internets,” or “Techmeme,” reach for that key that says DELETE and press it a few times fast. You’re a better writer already!

(Did you notice? I don’t hate PR people. Sure, I filter all messages with “for immediate release” or “embargo.” But you guys are OK. It helps that you pick up the tab — not the free drinks, but the principle of the thing.)

Nick Denton’s new pay scale — more to the point, the reactions to it — prompted me to write all this down. The thing that ties entrepreneurs, engineers and bloggers together is they all think they know everything. If you can suffer through 150 know-it-all posts, you’ll find that no one got it right, on two counts.

• I hardly know who Nick Denton is. He emails us all “please log out of nexis” once a week, and has posted one comment to my work: “This post breaks the first rule of internet argument.” Since there’s only one rule of Internet argument and it’s “Don’t be boring,” I ignore him. I’m logged out of Nexis already.

• Denton’s new pay scale works like this: Instead of autobilling him twelve bucks a post, I’m now paid a flat fee in exchange for a minimum number of posts. There’s some traffic bonus, but whatever. The important thing is that my extra posts don’t cost Denton anything. So I can now post anything I want without feeling guilty. Here you go.

Drew Schutte, the longtime publisher of Conde Nast’s Wired, will now run the sales side of The New Yorker and its website. David Carey, publisher of Portfolio, is adding Wired to his responsibilities. [BusinessWeek]

Source:Valleywag

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After warning me that he was coming to the CES Press Room and to “stay out of his face,” blog blowhard Jason Calacanis stormed over to me to “introduce” himself and slam my boss and brag about how much money he has. Money can’t buy you a snappy comeback, however.

When Calacanis was almost out the door, I yelled across the room, “Google’s better!” — than Mahalo (there’s your link, now quit your bitching), that is, the “human-powered” search engine that’s currently keeping Calacanis off the street. Having no response, he slunk out the door to peels of laughter.

Sarah Lacy’s long-awaited book on Web 2.0 is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title: Once You’re Lucky, Twice You’re Good: The Rebirth of Silicon Valley and the Rise of Web 2.0. It’s due for release on May 15, which means we’ll probably see copies circulating in late April. Future reviewers, let us save you the work of coming up with a kicker: Yes, the title practically begs for Lacy to announce a followup oeuvre to prove she, too, is more than just lucky.

Source:Valleywag

Brit broadcaster Jeremy Clarkson, host of Top Gear, was shocked, shocked when a thief “hacked” his bank account, withdrawing $734 and donating the sum to the charity Diabetes UK. Clarkson downplayed the dangers of identity theft after two discs full of child-benefit claimants were lost last October. To prove potential victims had nothing to fear, Clarkson published his bank account number, routing info, and instructions on how to procure his home address in his weekly Sun column. He certainly proved his point.

Source:Valleywag

I’m sitting in the CES press lounge when my editor, Owen Thomas, sends me an email:

Find him and interview? - O.
—– Forwarded message —–
From: Chaela Volpe
Date: Jan 7, 2008 1:35 PM
Subject: Gary Krakow joins TheStreet.com newsroom as Sr. Tech Correspondent, Reports Live from CES in Las Vegas

I announce to the table, which includes a few colleagues from Gizmodo, and early-rising PR guy Peter Shankman, “I love when my editors tell me to interview people and I have no idea who they are. Like this jackass — Gary Krakow from MSNBC. Who the hell is he? I have no idea.” One of the guys across the table, who I don’t know, starts staring at me and tosses his press badge on the table.

After a couple moments of silence, Shankman says, “This is the most surreal moment I’ve ever been witness to.” Then, of course, he writes it up. Thanks, buddy.

By the way, Krakow has this to say about his new job:

Valleywag: Why’d you leave MSNBC?
Krakow: MSNBC wanted to go in a different direction. I needed more artistic freedom.
V: Does TheStreet still exist? Have you been paid yet?
K: Don’t worry about my paycheck. The new, redesigned site will be up within a few weeks with a focus on video.

The Google founders’ Gulfstream V party plane — quick plane-spotting tip: the Gulfstream V has six windows; the IV only has five — took off on a scientific mission to study the Quadrantid meteor shower Thursday. Larry, Sergey and Eric, you may remember, got permission to park their jets at NASA’s Moffett Field for the bargain basement price of $1.3 million plus allowing NASA to use the planes for “science missions.” This is the first one we know about. Wait, just how many jets do they have?

OK, we know that Larry and Sergey own a heavily retrofitted 767. Schmidt owned one — or two — Gulfstream V’s. Then we reported that Page, Brin and Schmidt might be buying another commercial jet, a Boeing 757 widebody.

The NBC report linked above specifically mentions that a Gulfstream V ran this mission. Perhaps this confirms our report that Schmidt bought a new Gulfstream V to replace the one he sold earlier this year. Either way, that’s a lot of planes.

(Photo by Drewski2112)

Source:Valleywag

Early ratings for Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Business Network have materialized, and the news isn’t pretty. According to Nielsen Media Research, about 6,300 households on any given weekday are tuning in. Compare that to the 283,000 watching rival network CNBC. The number is so low you won’t hear it officially from Nielsen researchers, because it doesn’t meet their minimum standards for reporting. While it’s still early going and Fox only reaches about 30 million households compared to CNBC’s 90 million homes, the numbers aren’t pretty.

Roger Ailes, chairman of Fox Business, said he would not settle for “anything short of a revolution,” given the vast resources and advertising Fox is able to deploy. At this rate, Fox Business Network shouldn’t be aiming at CNBC; the network, with its bubbly and attractive correspondents, is competing with personal blogs with virtually no expenses. Maybe what Fox Business needs is more cleavage. Move the ticker to the top of the screen, Roger. (Photo from TVHeads.com)

Source:Valleywag

Fleshbot, a NSFW site published, like Valleywag, by Gawker Media, feels left out. Digg’s terms of service do not allow pornographic content, so Fleshbot doesn’t benefit from the flood of traffic prominent placement on Digg allows. Boo frickin’ hoo, I say.

Last I checked, Fleshbot wasn’t hurting for traffic. Digg, on the other hand, is still trying to build an online-advertising business — first with the help of John Battelle’s Federated Media, and now, more recently, Microsoft. Digg’s content is wild and woolly enough; neither of those ad-selling enterprises would want to touch a site which carries actual porn.

Fleshbot’s charge, in the end, is that Digg is hypocritical: Any URL on fleshbot.com is automatically banned from submission, but sites not dedicated to porn — or not easily identified as such — often get featured prominently, carrying similar content. Again, say I: Boo frickin’ hoo.

The presence of such content may enrage Fleshbot’s editors. But it just speaks to the challenge Digg has. If Digg is to sell ads — or, better yet, for cofounders Jay Adelson and Kevin Rose, sell the company altogether, for hundreds of millions of dollars, to a large media concern — the answer is to do a better job of policing the site, not letting the wolf-whistle in the door.

Loren Feldman, the transgressive online-video maker and would-be comic, slams Scoble’s “woe-is-me” posturing over his Facebook ban. Play the video, or read on for the choicest bit.

He’s fighting for himself … It’s dishonest and it’s wrong. Facebook has a right to earn money. You agree to give them your data. Everybody knew about it going in, and that’s not good enough for Robert, because he thinks … he’s above another company’s terms of service … For Robert to wrap it up under the guise of “I’m a freedom fighter for your data” is just completely dishonest.

Source:Valleywag

Blogger Om Malik could never have predicted he’d have a heart attack at the age of 41. But he did foresee one thing clearly: He would never build a business on a single blog so closely identified with one author. His spinoff blogs — Web Worker Daily, NewTeeVee, Earth2Tech, and FoundRead — have not matched GigaOm’s success; of the four, only NewTeeVee, in my opinion, shows promise of being a breakout hit like the original. But unlike Michael Arrington, who built TechCrunch solely on his startup cult of personality, Malik has sought to diversify his media startup in a way that it can survive him. Until December 28, this was merely wise in theory.

Source:Valleywag

Nick Denton likes his blogs a bit dark. But his readers seem to disagree. io9, Gawker Media’s sci-fi blog, has been its most successful launch to date, with 750,000 pageviews, followed closely by Jezebel. Shiny, happy futurism and go-girl feminism sell better than bleak wit and sardonic jabs at the powers that be.

I’ll admit it, I’m jealous: While Valleywag remains stuck with a logo that looks like an IBM monitor from 1982, io9, Gawker Media’s newly launched sci-fi site, has gotten a wickedly cool illustration. The future is coming, and it is diabetically adorable. I quizzed site editor Annalee Newitz on the origins of the logo.

Valleyfag: Let me guess at your instructions to the designer for the io9 illustration: “Think Hello Kitty meets the Borg Queen.”
t3chn0ptimist69: hahaha we just said, “give us a cute gender-neutral thing with a brain implant” Eliza Gauger, the illustrator, is a genius

Like I said: Hello Kitty meets the Borg Queen. A supremely effective exploitation of the visual resonances of two pop-culture memes. I can only applaud. And, in a nod to my futurist colleagues, coin a new word: “cynesthetic.”